Monday, April 24, 2006

Pro Ana and Pro Mia - Still

You know how I have so many Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia people coming to my web site? (If not, read here and then, Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia, about halfway down the page.) Well, here is the kind of comment I get from them every so often. I deleted it because I didn't want people to go to her site, but here is what she had to say.
I'll let you all do the (only helpful) commenting back this time:

I think you have every right to have this article about how many people are going underground to find out about the ANGELS: Ana and Mia. Yet, people have there different opinions on Ana and Mia, whether its a lifestyle or a disease. I have to say that I think it is a Lifestyle until some point when the extent of what you are doing becomes controlling. Everything evolves around what you are. I AM an Anorexic/Bulimic and have been for 17 months. It is my whole life. I love it more than anything, and i wouldn't change it for the world. Yes i know it is damaging but so is smoking or drinking. I think it would be a good idea if you did both sides of the Underground Ana and Mia sites. Why some people think they are good/bad. I just recently started my Pro Ana site and it is not fully developed but you could come check it out if you want.


El Jefe Maximo said...

This whole concept seems hopelessly strange to me. Moreover, the very idea of deliberately vomiting food (is it the Ana or the Mia or does it matter ?), is repugnant and just an abomination to me. Besides being mentally and physically unhealthy, it's insulting to those who worked to grow or to produce the food, not to mention a sign of utter disrespect for nature, or, if you prefer, to God.

With so many in misery throughout the world, suffering from malnutrition, famine and war, the whole AnaMia business just seems too decadent to be believed

Candidly Caroline said...

Well, anorexia and bulimia are nothing new, of course. It is these societies promoting them that are fairly new and escalating the problem.

Ana is for Anorexia so they basically don't eat. Mia is for Bulimia so they throw up what they eat.

There are an awful lot of people doing one or the other. Just within the past few hours, I've had people from Pittsburgh, England, Chicago, Singapore, Wisconsin, Kansas, L.A. and a couple from New York coming to my site. What tells me they are for real is they always go to my Photos Link, and I know they are expecting to find the almost-ready-for-the-hospital-I'm-so-emaciated pictures to which they can aspire.

I know it is hard to grasp - just like the concept of self injury - but they need our support more than anything else. These societies have become their "support" groups - in a very bad way. Their words are heartbreaking.

Anonymous said...

Well just so you know, I came here expecting this to be some pro-ana/mia blog..


El Jefe Maximo said...

Didn't mean to come across "mean" -- alas, I sound that way pretty easily anyway, and I agree that one thing the AnaMia crowd certainly needs is support in the sense of encouragement to break away from what they are doing. It almost sounds like a cult.

Candidly Caroline said...

Yes, it very much is like a cult. A secret cult, of which only members know they are a part.

Anonymous, you are certainly not the only one. We hope you find your way out of ProAna/ProMia and in to a healthy place where you can love and appreciate who you are, as you are.

justcarl said...

My significant other has had a babysitter for several months now. She recently had to let the sitter go for several reasons, one of them was because the young woman was a 'cutter'. She pleaded with the sitter to get help. It was my friend's first experience with behavior that was previously unknown to her. I pointed her to your website and told her how passionate you were on the subject.

Candidly Caroline said...

Yes, self injury is another, very serious problem that is arising more and more often. That's a tough one.

I do have articles I have written that I am happy to forward to anyone who would like to read them. There is a little bit of discussion in my "Kids and Teens" section. Look for the links on the right side of my blog.

Candidly Caroline said...

They have been coming full force to my blog today. It's crazy how many people are looking for the sites!!

Anonymous said...

i no someone who suffered from ana n i no how much it destroyed her. it destroyed the rest of her family and close friend too, its like watchin your bst friend being constantly run over and you not being able to do anything. god nos y ppl r actually TRYING to encourage it, it destroyed my best friend how people can encourage it is absolutely disgusting, those ppl r sick totally sick. x

Anonymous said...

i envy people who are ana or mia i wish i was..soo much it kills me inside that im not and i just wish that i had bones sticking out everywhere i hate the way i look i just wana b beautiful..thats all

mianeeds2stop said...

I've always tried to watch what I eat. It started off feeling really guilty after eating foods that I considered should be "off limits" in my diet. I always heard about girls with eating disorders and I was curious and tried it. It was hard at first but got easier. It started off a couple times a week. Then it would be just in the morning (didnt want to start my day off wrong). Sometimes late at night. Only when I was alone at first..but I would try to find ways to hide it like put on the shower or loud music. Sometimes I could go a week and be fine. My parents even heard me once but i said i was just feeling ill. It was just I would get a craving for a type of food or wanted more then something I thought I shouldnt be allowed and it would be okay if I could reverse it. Ive experimented with laxitives in the past but this i feel is much worse. The thing is I never have lost much weight from it. I dont binge eat 1000 calories either. Maybe I am not throwing up enough of it up? I thought I would be okay when i went away to school. I am when I am out doing things, I dont daydream or even think about doing just happens. When i am alone. Ive even tried at a restaraunt after my friend and I ate a big meal. I kept thinking it was no big deal..ill stop tomorrow. But tomorrow keeps coming, and I keep doing it. Sometimes none at all, sometimes once a day sometimes 3 times a day. I am not losing weight from it so i dont know why i keep doing it. sorry i am blabbing on but this is the first time I havea dmitted openly my problem. I am so aware of it and how many girls it affects and how bad it is for my body. Why cant i stop

Candidly Caroline said...

You can stop, I promise. But, it will be hard.
This has become almost an addiction for you, a crutch.
Finally having admitted that you have a problem is definitely a step in the right direction!
Keep talking about it however you can. I think you will find that by making it less of a secret of which you feel ashamed, you will be able to be more proactive about stopping.
I'll say a prayer for you! And,remember, keep talking!

Anonymous said...

Hi! May I make something clear to all those for Ana/Mia? Apart from what you think, everybody else thinks you look scary. SCARY. Not a good look. I'm slim, but not grossly bony. Some say I'm too thin, I'm not, I just have a good figure. If I were to lose anymore weight, I would become one of you. That's bad. I feel really sorry for you.

Anonymous said...

hmm...i don't seem to understand the people who are ready to critisie ana/mia without knowing anything about it. i can see that if a loved one has suffered from it then they would clearly be upset, but why not let others get on with it? i know it's a fatal problem and it ruins lives, i would know, i regularly binge/purge and i also fast. i'm not quite sure how long it's been going on, i didn't notice it was a big problem until a little while ago, but now it's become a part of who i am. i couldn't stop if i wanted to. i'll go through a patch of eating 'normally' but it's never long before the guilt sets in again.
i want to slap the person who says its discusting and we should stop, because it's really not that easy. if somebody wants professional help for their eating disorder, they have to wiegh 43 kilos to be classed as 'anorexic'. which is pretty ironic really. and being fat is just as discusting and unhealthy as being underweight.
sorry i'm ranting i'm going to stop now.

Anonymous said...

I run a post-proana community at where we bite our eating disorders back? Orange you glad?

Anonymous said...

why do people want 2 do tha 2 themselves its wrong and they need help anyone who is all 4 ana and mia needs help 2 so go get it!!

Astrid said...

i have been bulimic for 2 years. i used to be a cutter, an alcoholic, and a pill popper. atleast i've quit 3 things right? i can't stand to weigh over 100 lbs. i feel sick when i look in the mirror and to purge is the greatest relief! just because you don't know what it is like doesn't mean you should judge me or anyone else.

btw... cult sounds like such an awful, sinful word. ana/mia groups are just a group of people who find the comfort in eachother's presence. i guess spending time with your family at christmas is a cult, correct?

also you can not "encourage" someone to have an ED or "want" one, it is something that happens to you and if you do not really have an ED, you will quit because of all the negative side effects.

Anonymous said...

I too often starve myself for days and then binge and then throw up. I didnt realise I had a prohblem until I came into contact with a new friend and she told me she did the same. Its hard with the way society is to stop it, I constantly dont feel good enough due to the way I look. Im not skin and bones but I do do it to keep my weight down. It was bought on by a violent relationship thats now ended up the binging etc does not seem to off. If im honest I dont think I can stop right now and starting a new job hasnt helped with it being very stressful. Im 21 and its seems to of taken a hold on my life. When I have a meal thinking I have to leave as sooon as possible after to throw up. Some of you people may think were freaks but to my friends Im a laugher a joker and preobably the most in control out of all of them...If only they knew. n

Anonymous said...

i'm an italian girl..firt,exuse me for no correct grammatic.
I'M bulimic since 4 years,when i was 16..i noted that there is many blog talks abaut ana and mIA and eating desorder.but you really kwnows this problems?you knows what i fell when i must eat against my volonty?i refiuted food becouse food make me live but I hate me and every thing around me,my family everyone..becouse noone really kwnew me.noone undeerstand me..i fel alone and i want slowly disappears.. you knows all my things that run in my head?I try to go to a psicanalist but there is nothig to do.bulimia and anorexia are soul's problem.. eating desorders are problem bigger than you.leave them,and all the girl that have them.

Anonymous said...

I'm bulimic and I don't feel that it is anyones problem but mine. I take great comfort from knowing that there are other people out there like me and that I can talk to them if need be. Unless you are in this situation then it is impossible for you to judge me and other people like me. So maybe y'all just want to live your own lives and let us do the same. And for the person who says throwing up is insulting and disresepctful - the food is going to go 2 waste at one end or the other anyway, why not lose it minus the vast majority of the calories ruining your figure?
p.s i'm only here cos i thot it was a support blog - didn't expect to come here to be insulted by people who don't understand and never will, so maybe this blog against the whole situation is having a completely opposite effect than the supportive one that u say we need. the one we get from pro ana mia sites

Anonymous said...

The first time it seems to be so unharmful, like a game, i meen u think that u can stop anytime u wish. It's not easy to escape from this condition, cause it's just in the middle of nowhere.
stop thinking ur life will change if u're looking thin so that u can feel happy. there's so mush pain, so much loneliness.
being "pro" is being ill. don't say it's good and it's okey when inside u know it's not okey, it's not normal!
I'm in recovery and i trully believe, i desperately want to live a normal life.

take care

Anonymous said...

please to not feel sorry for us anas and mias theres no need, its not a disease its a lifestyle we do not starve our selfs were profecting our emptiness. we do not need help nor want it, please let us be

Jo said...

I used to be think the same way as many others who insult Ana and Mia, because i think alot of them look gaunt and ugly, mainly Anas. But I never expected to turn into one myself. Mia is ever so real to me now. I started 3 months ago, people say I'm not fat but they don't say I'm thin either. After losing abit some say I look better. Which was probably what kept me going. At first it seemed like a habit, but it soon turned into a need. I keep telling myself I won't keep going on this till i'm emiciated, stick thin, scrawny an all. I heard Mias don't lose that much weight as Anas. I wanted to be Ana but my family basically sees that i eat every meal every single damn day and they are very strict about it. So I turned to Mia. The point is, I'm trying not to be pro-mia/ana. In fact, I want to stop because I don't want bad teeth or keep being like this till my health takes a toll yet I can't stop. The point is, being a harsh critic on this topic in the past myself, and being Mia now, I want to tell people who hurl insults at us Anas and Mias that it's not easy to stop and some of us do not want to be like this. It just strikes us. It's in our minds, and one's mind is the most dangerous. It's a battle every single day for me, I keep telling myself this has gotta stop, but at the back of my brain Mia cries, 'oh do you really want to stop now?'. I fought myself last night, until I decided I really needed help to get rid of that voice. I think my battle with Mia isn't as tough as many out there, but it really is awfully difficult to suddenly snap out of it. It's gradual. I told my parents about Mia yesterday night but Mia screams regret now. I think laxative's on the way. It's like a nightmare we have to live in 24/7. (To those who insult us Anas and Mias, you don't know us a whole damn lot and you will never understand unless you are one yourself. I used to be like you insensitive people, and now I'm Mia. You'd never know when it strikes you- I told myself once I'd rather die than be stick thin. Ironic isn't it.)

Anonymous said...

I'm an anorexic and have been for 4 years (with 2 years of compulsive overeating in between). I know our 'lifestyles' may seem repulsive and just plain stupid & that we are unnecessarily creating a dilemma. But most of us can't live any other way. It's not like I want this kind of obssessive life. It's a trap. If I stop being anorexic, I feel out of control and eat whatever is in sight. I gain 10-ish pounds and feel morbidly obese. I withdraw from people, activities, fail school.. basically withdraw from life. I feel suicidal and that there is no point to life. (This isn't as simple and matter-of-fact as it sounds. It's a slow, long, depressing process.) I absolutely REFUSE to live this way. I just can't.

So what can I do? Go back to being anorexic and in control. Ironically, that's the only way I can really live.

Candidly Caroline said...

To the last commenter:
I don’t find anyone repulsive who obviously is trying very hard to right her life. It is a struggle to overcome challenges, particularly something that feels like it dominates your life, but it is in the trying that our character shows and grows. Sometimes we can do it alone; sometimes we can’t - that is for each person in each situation to decide. Obviously, you have inner strength. Posting – even anonymously – is a way of expressing what you feel inside, and that is a leap for you, I know.
I’d like to bring some perspective to your situation. It sounds like you consider ten pounds the difference between anorexic and obese. -- Ten pounds the difference between anorexic and overweight. -- Is that even possible?
Life is about balance in all things – work, love, sex, food, personal time. Too much or too little of anything and something gets thrown out of whack. I encourage you to find your balance in whatever way works for you. Throw out the fashion magazines, take yoga, date someone who appreciates curvy women (and lots do!)
And, I think the most important thing is to remind yourself to forget. Keep your life full of what makes you happy, and you will find that you are able to think and obsess, as you put it, less and less. I know this sounds simple, but sometimes that first step really is.

Anonymous said...

While I understand & appreciate your idea of openly discussing an issue rather than keeping it hidden behind a screen... it seems very few of the side-effects of these 'lifesytle choices' are mentioned on your site.

A very close friend of mine has been bulemic for over 10 yrs; neither I nor her other friends have been able to get her to a doctor, despite attempts... So let me quickly describe the effects of her condition. Firstly, after awhile, it no longer really helps you maintain weight. Your metabolism basically gets destroyed & will take time & work with a professional to rebuild. Also, your breath will always smell gross & teeth will get horrible from lack of protein & nutrition, or from vomiting. Even with brushing, the enamel wears away. While my friend has beautiful long hair, it's lost it's luster because of the lack of vitamins. Fingernails and eyelashes also break down short. Eventually, the heart gives away from lack of nutrients. Also, she has little energy and gets colds etc easily. When we go out, I have way more energy than she does.

As someone who was once borderline anorexic myself, and who is still friends with a bulemic woman, I truly know you ladies are coming from. I just hope someone reads this and gets a glint of the not-so-attractive future to which this beauty-oriented behaviour can lead. And maybe feels up to finding some help also. I know it's hard when the thing that keeps you alive also seems like your worst enemy. But there are so many healthy ways to regulate weight, so that you both look and FEEL great and ENERGETIC as well.

Anonymous said...

We didn't ask to be like this. All tho' it may seem other wise, expecually by the ones still deep in denial about the whole thing. :/

These quotes sum it up the best:

"I had a hole in my heart, so I threw away my plate, because nothing filled me up, no matter what I ate."

"I can not cry, rant or rage so I scream inside and put on a happy face.." (mine)

Teaching your children to love them selfs, to be self dependent, and to feal loved back is so very important..

Anonymous said...

Candidly Caroline have you ever had and eating disorder? do you really know the reasons first hand why people do it, or do you just look at your statistics in your book of what its like to have an eating disorder? I have suffered from an eating disorder for six years and people like you didnt help in my has to be your own choice... let people do what they want

Candidly Caroline said...

I have worked firsthand with dozens of girls who have suffered from eating disorders and other related problems. I have found that most who have this disease really do want to be healthy; they just don't quite know how to get there.
You can continue to take your anger out on others, or you can use that strength to fight your way out - the choice IS yours.

Anonymous said...

i have been bulimic since the age of 13, i am now 28. I have got 2 kids, and the only time i have not binged and purged, is when i have been pregnant. The idea of people wanting to be ana/mia, is disgusting. What people need to realsi is that ana/mia is not anything to do with weight, its to do with control. An eating disorder is a mental illness, just like depression, bi polar or anything else. I personally think that pro ana/mia sites should be banned. I have, in the last 6 months, decided that i no longer want this eating disorder to rule my life, and am currently having CBT counselling to help get better, but its hard. BUT i am determind that can beat this illness, and i will!!

Candidly Caroline said...

Absolutely the best of luck to you! Remember, it's a process - set goals that YOU can reach and be proud of the successes you have as you go along.

Anonymous said...

I was mia for close to 8 years. Believe me, we DO want help. We DON'T want to be like this. Trouble is, we don't like to ask for help and don't know how to accept it. We don't know how to trust and hate ourselves too much to allow others to love us as we really are.

I don't believe anyone who says, "I'm happy this way". No, there's no happiness in swollen salivary glands, a sore throat, rotting teeth, an empty, aching stomach that tosses battery acid up your throat, bowels that refuse to work right, a heart that races and patters in an irregular manner, cold hands, cold feet, a throbbing headache, fear of social events. Mia does not equal happy. No...NEVER

You may think it does for a short period of time, but mia is misery.

It took a great deal of faith and courage to come around to recovery.

The people who reach out to you and try to help you are courageous also. YES, they are BRAVE....because the sick person who is enveloped in mia will curse at them and push them away.

But believe me, you want help. You do.

Candidly Caroline said...

I think you expressed the feelings of many very, very well. You write eloquently, expressively, and from the heart, and I appreciate you sharing this with us.
Thank you, and continued progress on your journey.

hear me out - kelly said...

sry about the length i have a difficult time drawing a conclusion.

first of all, i'm not anorexic. i'm 16, i'm a very thin girl and i eat very little because i'm never hungry. my friends teese me about my weight and about eating disorders but i'm confident and i laugh at those who assume a skinny girl who doesn't eat has an e.d. my schedual is usually so busy on school days i don't have time to eat and forget. i try to always have an omlete for breakfast so i'll start the day with energy but sometimes that's it. if im hungry i wont deny myself a bran muffin and a banana but i just dislike big meals and food in general. on the weekends i have time to create, sit and enjoy a nicely prepared meal, i make an event out of it but stop when i'm full, it may be a piece of chicken or 3 string beans. the food that i do consume is healthier than that of 80% of americans. i'm not going to go to cinnabun and eat a chemically processed piece of junk, you promote not inspecting calories and being happy with what your eating, but if thats going to clog my arteries, give me diabetes, excess fat my body isn't using and highblood pressure i'd rather not.. (were not in the ice age anymore, we don't need to have natural insolation, we have central heating and down jackets)...
alot of people read comments like the one you have on display and assume that all girls who don't eat food are anorexic but that's not the case.
anorexia is "a serious psychological disorder. It is a condition that goes well beyond out-of-control dieting." - i don't diet and i don't restrict healthy foods, i don't feel in control or out of control of anything because its not a concious effort. of course i love being very thin but that's who i am and have always been and shouldn't we all love our bodies?

im having a hard time trying to figure out what i'm trying to say here but i guess it's that i dislike when people generalize, assume and say things like "anorexia means they basically don't eat" -candidly,first of all, the word "they" sounds like your describing some creature that truly repulses you. "they" are women, and why would they seek help or find confort in someone who demeans them, doesn't truly understand their experience, and curtly puts down everything their whole lives have stood for? -- i basically don't eat and i'm not anorexic. i don't have an image problem, i don't see something i'm not in the mirror i do see thin and i like it, its visually pleasing to me, i like the lines and the taughtness of my skin and i love the way clothing fits to my body. im not saying i need to be literally skeletal, personally i think the pictures of clinical anorexics are not attractive. i think ur definition and what you think anorexic is is a bit distorted. anorexics, i agree, need help, but referr to them as what they are. girls with self image problems and are out of control and think they can never be too thin, who strive to remove every ounce of fat. they can be fat or skinny but they are NOT simply girls who don't eat or girls who like being rail thin.

63% of americans are over weight, 31% are obese, An estimated 400,000 deaths a year are associated with being overweight or obese. TEXAS Has The 6th Highest Rate of Adult Obesity in U.S.

Anorexia affects 1% of women and 0.3% of men

the majority of overweight and obese people eat because it makes them happy, helps them deal with stress, helps them cope with emotional problems, helps them ignore emotional problems, and because their bored.. sounds like a physiological problem and it is sad, billions of people in other countries are starving to death (ana's in america dying less than .5%) and the overwhelming MAJORITY of americans cant shut their mouths for 10 seconds.

....eating things like: Cinnamon Rolls
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup water
one egg
3 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar

ur feeding america, please stop. they don't need it, really. i would rather look like an unhealthy boney girl, then an unhealthy 400lbs girl who sits on the sofa all day because she can't move and cant stop eating ur cinnimon buns

--- maybe u should take a look at the real epidemic here.

Anonymous said...

I think it is important to keep in mind that anorexia and bulima and REAL mental health issues, some one who throws up likely hates themselves enough with out being told they are disrespecting nature by vomiting food. It is an illness, not meant to disrespect people!

Anonymous said...

erm I'm sorry I know alot of you mean well but you are seriously showing your lack of knowledge on the subject in some of the things you are saying.
Caroline; it takes a little more than Throwing out fashion magazines, taking up yoga or dating someone who appreciates curvy women to overcome a serious eating disorder such as bulimia or anorexia nervosa.
They are mental illnesses that is like saying to someone who has bipolar to join a club and it'll all go away, or someone with scizophrinia (sorry that's definately spelt wrong) to go and embrace a heathy "balanced" lifestyle.
You would not say these things to people with those sorts of mental disorders therefore why say it to someone with an Eating disorder?
And eating disorder is not about magazines, lack of hobbies, or men

Anonymous said...

It is about alot of the same things other mental disorders are about such as OCD.
I have bulimia and as a child I had OCD and I notice many similarities between the two.
Of course there are differences but it has made me look at the way people talk about eating disorders.
My belief is that if you are prone to other mental problems such as OCD then you will be likely to be prone to an eating disorder.
I find it deeply insulting that people seem to think images and socially accepted body shapes in the media are mostly to blame for eating disorders.
Mine is all about the compulsion to eat and then the immense feeling of disgust I feel afterwards.
The promia/ana things are indeed very disturbing but for some people they are a way of normalising their own behaviour and feeling like they belong somewhere.
An eating disorder is not a lifestyle choice in fact I cannot understand how anyone could ever CHOOSE to have one, I certainly didn't it happened.
It's like being stuck in a hamster wheel not seeing any progress and never being able to get off or see where you're going to end up.
There's no choice in that.

Candidly Caroline said...

Absolutely I believe that many who have eating disorders are suffering from a mental illness, and that would have to be approached medically, as well as emotionally and physically.

I strongly believe, however, that many of the people in the pro ana and pro mia movement do NOT have mental illness. It is a horrible, awful trend, and people who are perhaps lacking something in their lives are latching on to it. There is a void, and instead of something positive being placed in that void, they come across this, which, ultimately, makes things much, much worse.

I absolutely understand that, for many, eating disorders are an illness; that is a separate issue entirely, and one I take seriously. But, this "fad" is another thing entirely, and it, quite frankly, pisses me off because I have seen otherwise healthy people, going through the same difficulties that we all go through, get sucked into it. And their lives are changed because of it.

I have sympathy and even empathy for the people who already have been drawn into it. But, the people who perpetuate it because they are so unhappy themselves that they want to make others unhappy, too - for them, I have an entirely different kind of sadness.

Anonymous said...

Caroline, (I was the anonymous who said about mental illness and OCD by the way)
Are you telling me you believe the people who have these promia and ana sites and create "thinspiration" are not mentally ill?
I have been bulimic as in being sick for a year and a half but I have been bulimic and had other forms of an eating disorder since I was 12 more or less (I'm 19 now) I never knew what it was before, I thought eating disorders were scary and I didn't think about them being a problem of mine and I have never visited those sorts of sites until very recently and then only because I'd watched a programme about them and was curious.
I'd say they most definately DO suffer from a mental illness even if it's not an eating disorder, they are warped and diluded to the extremes the thought of hilter's brainwashing comes to mind.
They are leading others to oblivion and I'd say anyone capable of doing something like that has some form of mental inbalance.
I don't believe you can choose to be anorexic or bulimic, it just develops things go very slowly so you almost can't notice from dieting to obsession to disorder.
I am the kind of person who has an all or nothing personality if I do something even slightly wrong in anything like say putting a wrong stoke on a painting a would have to completely paint it out and try again rather than rectify that small mistake.
I push myself to go faster, and longer amounts of time when I go to the gym or eat less and less food each day if something goes wrong I think I'd best cram in al the badness I can now then get rid, or start fresh tomorrow.
I'm sure that sort of mentality to a lesser extent applies to all of us at one time in our lives at what point does that behaviour become a disorder?
The truth is you don't realise until it completely dominates your every thought in life and even then you have a hard time realising you have a problem I felt like I should be ashamed of myself like maybe I didn't have a problem, maybe I was making it up.
The masses of people with eating disorders do not even realise they have one and when they do they are embarrased to admit it.
Sorry about the long rant but I just wanted to let people know what it's like from the perspective of someone who has a disorder but doesn't think its a lifestyle choice and is desparately trying to resolve it.
thanks for reading

Anonymous said...

I was "bulimic" for three years and didn't label myself as such until after I was hospitalized because of it. I got the "help" I needed. For a little while anyway.
I went a little over a year without regular purging. Then I lost my mom, my grandma, a cousin, and a very close friend, all within a year and a half of each other.On top of all of my loss I moved away to college. Now I find myself eating till I hurt, running to my bathroom, just to empty it all out. Sometimes it feels like a high. Other times it just fills me with guilt. I know it wrong and bad for me. And I was able to pretty much stop before.
I don't think people should judge others dealing with eating disorders, especially if they have no idea what it is like to have something grab a hold of u like that.I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels guilty sometimes. But they don't need the added pressure.
Sorry for writing a book.

Candidly Caroline said...

Have faith. Every journey in life is a work in progress; you just have to keep pushing forward and learn as much as you can from each experience.

saz said...

i have been bulimic since i was 16 years old - i am now 42 with a husband and child. my mother left my father when i was 4 and remarried when i was 8 . my biological father never had anything to with us after my mother left. my stepfather was a pillar of the community with a very responsible job and often very kind and generous until the evenings when he drank copious amounts of alcohol and spent every night of the week abusing my mum and us girls till the early hours 9 at least it was only verbally unlike my real father who did it physically) my sisters rebelled and left home at their earlist convenience i was left to bear the brunt. i tried so hard to be perfect - if i could - then maybe they would be happy and stop arguing but that didnt work - after a bit of bullying at school which i was too embarresed to tell my parents about i decided that i would try to loose a little weight - well it worked and i spent a year or so as an anorexic but that didn't please my parents either so i thought i ought to eat to please them but didnt want to reverse all the effort i made so ever since i have been bulimic . to this day i am still a people pleaser and forever worrying if i have upset anyone . its pathetic - i know - but not so easy to rid yourself of. i hate myself with a passion cant bear to look at all 8 and half stone of my body . but how do you get better when the very thing you are addicted to ids the very thing you need to survuve . could an alcoholic recover with having to have 3 drinks a day - i dont think so. and yes i have tried medication ( im still on it) and counselling . lookls like i will have to put up or shut up

Candidly Caroline said...

That's a good point because you do have to eat to survive. It seems like a lot of it just comes down to loving yourself. No matter what happens in life, no matter what other people do or say or whatever mistakes we make, we are loved by God and, perhaps knowing that, we can understand that if He can love us, then we can love ourselves.
It sounds like you are working on getting better; that in itself is success. Best of continued luck!

Anonymous said...

see the thing some of you dont understand is it isnt by choice. i dont want to throw up everything i eat, i just cant stand to look in the mirror and see the fat that clings to my beautiful bones. i cry all the time just looking in the mirror because i feel like i will never be perfect enough for me to accept my own body. i have overweight friends who have so much more confidence and are just so utterly happy with themselves and i envy that internal strength. but i am a weak person and everytime i eat (which i do frequently and i wish i didnt, i wish i had the self control to strave more often) but everytime i put food in my body all i can think about is how to get it back out because i have a complete and utter phobia of being overwight. and some days i pray that my parents will find the bowl that i puke in every night or someone at work will wonder why i always go to the bathroom for fifteen minutes after i eat just so i can get help but i know that they wont and with every compliment i get i just fall into the spiral. "what happened to your body, your so skinny now" or "girl you need to eat something, youre skinner than all hell" are two of the best compliments ive ever gotten for some reason those statements mean so much more to me than "youre so beautiful". you dont know how much i wish i could be normal and i wish i could just eat with my friends without feeling guilt. i skip work or school somedays just to avoid an situation where i have to eat. i dont go out to dinner w my bf because i cant eat in front of him and im afraid that i wont be able to puke it up if i do eat... its so hard and i dont appreciate the ridicule..sometimes its beyong our control and sometimes its a nightmare. everyday my life revolves arounfd what i can eat, cant eat, how i can get rid of it, what i can do to avoid eat...these feelings have been with me since i was a little girl and i wish there was something to make me better because an eating disorder is a disorder. its not just dumb girls thinking theyre fat and wasting food...its tourtured girls who wish they could control their bodies and their lives but food control them. we really need all the support we can get!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe what I'm reading. People whose habits and tricks match my own, I thought I invented them, God. Don't eat in front of anyone except my mum, and if anyone offers me anything, I'll refuse it. I eat on my own terms, and I will choose when and what to eat. I'm not bulemic or anorexic but I make myself throw up. I can stop for a few days, well 2 at the most, then I do it again. I dunno why, I just don't want to be fat. If I don't make myself sick after a binge, I break down really bad and don't eat for the next few days. It's like I feel great and more human after I've been sick after a few days of not vomiting. I'm ashamed to say I LOVE not eating. It feels wonderful and such a relief. I can lose up to 4lb in the space of 3 days. My diet:
-No breakfast
-No lunch
-Rice/low-cal meal for dinner
-Binge after dinner
I hate change, so I keep it like that. I think I have OCD, not ana/mia. I've lost 20lb since 2 months ago, but it started off with cutting out junk food, chocolate, etc then I broke the diet and felt so bad that I turned to being sick when nobody was in. It felt so weird at first, like it wasn't really me. It felt like I was trying to be something I wasn't, but I follow my routine every day now. I remember the first time I did it, I looked myself in the eye in the mirror and was so confused.

Sometimes I wish someone would notice, I'm screaming inside 'HELLO! AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION, ASSHOLE? I'M HURTING'. I know it would hurt them more if they knew my secret though. They think I'm bony, but I love them saying that, I adore it.

I'm 13 and weigh 8st 10lb. I'm 5`9. My BMI is 18, classed as underweight, but I know I'm not because I see my fat body everyday and am close to tears, so I know for sure that I'm not underweight. My stomach is getting flatter though. I think it's because the muscles tensing up when it's pushing the food up. God, I really hate my body. I can't believe I'm telling a total stranger this. Only one person knows about my habits, and she's a close online friend, and she makes herself sick too.

Anonymous said...

I came to this site thinking it was going to be pro mia. I dont understand people who say 'think of all those children starving in africa and your wasting food'. Do you never throw things away? Im sure you do, also im sure you dont send your leftovers over to africa for them to eat so whats the difference? Also i probably dont eat any more than you, its just that most things i do eat i throw up.
I dont think my lifestyle is repugnant, its just like being on a diet, which is what most people do, just taken a little further. I dont binge on bad foods like cakes, i do it with healthyer foods as i dont think its really possible to throw up 100% of the food, you must take in a small amount of them. its not like im a disgusting pig eating loads of chocolate and fast food. I dont think people should judge me for it my choices. I would be a lot happier if people would be more accepting then i wouldnt have to hide it and it would make my life a lot easier! Its just a lifestyle choice, i dont want to be disgusting and fat the rest of my life! I dont understand people who say just be happy with who you are, im 20 and i know people are very judgemental about looks, even if they dont admit it! Im sure if someone said you could loose half a stone in a week and a half you would want to.

Anonymous said...

hi errrrm dont really know what to say really i have been searching the web for any info on pro ana and mia and all i can find is support groups im looking for sites to help me tell me if im starting with one f these i regulary dont eat for days at a time i just dont feel hungry i dont contiously starve myself it could be a week befour i relise ive not eaten i just want to be able to read abojut mia and ana talk to people without being judged i neeed some help from peple going thro it now

Mashka said...

I have been bulimic and Ano for seven months now, and I would like to talk to someone about it. I'm noticing patterns in my body, and I've talked to a guy who's been through it, but I think a woman would be more helpful. I don't want to quit.
I want to get better and better at it.

I feel like I'm failing.
And it's just making me bitter.