Friday, January 26, 2007

Proud to Be a Lemur

I've decided that instead of being Republican or Democrat, Conservative or Liberal, Traditionalist or Secular Progressive, I am going to be a Lemur.
I learned on television (you know, where all the really relevant knowledge is) that in the Lemur society, the females rule the roost. The lowest-ranking female is higher in status than the highest-ranking male, which, of course, makes perfect sense. Females mate only one day a year so the males spend 364 days a year pampering, spoiling and otherwise showering with attention the females in the hopes that they will be the one with whom she mates.
This sounds like the perfect solution to all of our problems, a perfectly proportioned utopia, a devastatingly simple plan that puts everything in its proper place. I officially have declared myself a Lemur and now am accepting three dozen male Lemurs to dote on my every need. (because more than a few dozen really is just a tad selfish, right?) I promise to rule with a gentle hand.


Barbara J Gill said...

Sounds good to me! Barbara

El Jefe Maximo said...

I can see, ahem, certain...issues. . .with this plan, possibly because I'm on the male end of this 364-day-groveling- and-then-a-36th-of-a-chance-at-avoiding-celibacy thing.

Besides, lemurs are mostly found in Madagascar; and the leaves, spiders and insects diet leaves Italian restaurants and decent wine right out. Moreover, they aren't half as interesting at parties: they don't look like they could dance well, and they probably have no interest in flirting.

Just possibly this idea should be referred for further study involving a few thousand position papers: the Lemur Study Group can report back in 300 years or so.