My "Smile at a Kid Today" column-style story just came out in Kansas City Parent. The story is a worthwhile read if you have a minute or two. It talks about how adults are really the only sources of meaningful compliments for kids and how we should exercise that ability often:With peers - "Children know they are accepted only when they are included, but even that is really more the taking away of a punishment (being excluded) than the giving of a reward (a compliment.)"
3 comments:
Boy that line of yours about peer inclusion amounting only to taking away a punishment is spot on, and explains cliques. Kiddos are powerless in so many ways: they have to go to school, they have to make grades, they have to follow dress codes, conform, etc. The one power they have is to decide who is cool: to regulate inclusion and exclusion.
Great read. Reading it made me think about when I was a kid and the many times I felt that I didn't fit in. Sometimes I wonder if we ever really grow out of that phase completely. I mean, reading your subsequent post on the Ana/Mia obsession, it makes me think maybe not-so-much.
And whether we fit in is always so different. In some crowds, I'm the life of the party or the flirt; in others I'm the quiet one; in others I'm the one always working; in others I'm the smart one; in others I'm the single one; in others I'm kind of a loner.
That is why I think it is a good idea to expose kids to as many different peer groups as possible so that they don't learn to pin themselves in to one label, so they don't learn to see themselves just one way. I think this is really important.
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