Monday, October 02, 2006

Placing My Order for Mr. Right

I decided to check the accuracy so far for my Cancer and Dragon horoscopes. You'll remember I posted them at the beginning of the year. They have been surprisingly accurate so far, which is somewhat intriguing.
All the horoscopes I've read, in addition to these, seem to point toward me finding love in this last quarter of 2006 - a very welcome change, if it's true. However, my schedule as of late doesn't seem to support any serious mate searching so I'd like to get the ball rolling by placing an online order.
First of all, refer to My Must Haves and Can't Stands. These are essential, the Bible of Caroline Eligibility.
In addition:
1.) It'd be nice if he lived in Texas (or at least had a private, kick butt beach house on the Gulf.)
2.) Preferably, he'd be my age to lower 40's.
3.) My height or taller is a plus, but I've gotten over this hang-up.
4.) I'm a complicated person. I'm pretty sure I 'm a lot to handle so I need someone up to the challenge. Most men are not.
Please send resumes or curriculum vitaes, cover letters, and any applicable and substantial bribes. Submitted materials will be reviewed until the position is filled. Trial periods, perhaps concurrent with other applicants, may be required of the man or men selected, especially if multiple applicants are highly qualified.


El Jefe Maximo said...

No doubt all the candidates out there are even now consulting their search handbooks, trying to decide if their resumes/vitae, etc., should be multiple pages, or in 14 point fonts. White paper or tan ? Should the cover letters be basic, or supply more details not found in the supporting documents ?

Kidding aside, dating (Back In The Day) always reminded me of job searching -- and I was in that racket looonnnng before the Internet; which, taking a horseback guess, seems to have accentuated the similarities of dating to job searching.

Either way, it stands to reason that the "sales" personality would be best at dating, as is often the case with job searching. Whether the best salesman is the best candidate -- either from the point of view of employment or other, more interesting things -- is often a separate question.

Complicated person huh ? You don't say ?

Candidly Caroline said...

I don't know; I'm pretty good at sales and am still single at 30 ... I guess I'm just not buying yet. ;)

Is it that obvious I'm complicated?
Well, it's a good complicated, at least. Stable, reliable, non-psycho. :)

Anonymous said...

What if the candidate has passed the resume test, and you go on a date, and while eating he accidently spits a piece of quesadilla across the table while talking? Do you reject him? Are all your children going to be spitters then? :)

Candidly Caroline said...

Well, this is an interesing question because as a woman I am thinking - from the very first moment I meet him - about whether this is someone I could be compatible with in the future. The "weeding out" time frame starts immediately. This puts date time in the category of heavy-duty pondering.
While he is over there choking on his quesadilla, I'm wondering how many facets of his personality and lifestyle and background are compatible with mine. Because I am so lost in this train of thought, it is actually good that the quesadilla comes flying out of his mouth because it makes me stop thinking and makes me start "being" instead.
Of course, this is momentary, and then I start wondering if this quesadilla spitting incident will be a trend or just an unusual accident. This brings up a whole different set of qualifiers that I must now consider.
During all of this, of course, I am being charming and witty and smiling a lot, making him think I am the most amazing woman in the world (not entirely difficult, which is why I can think about all these other things at the same time. ;) )
From here, though, comes the decision. Can I accept spitting, or not?
The theoretical answer is that spitting is not on my list of Can't Stands so I shouldn't cancel him because of it. The practical answer is I'd rather my future husband not spit across the table during all the elegant future dinner parties I have planned once I'm a "plus one." The sympathetic answer, and the one I'd be most likely to follow, is that he is probably nervous, just like me, and I'd give him another shot.

Anonymous said...

Good answer! I wasn't going to mention the small, stress pimple on his nose or the fact he cuts his food like an animal! He can only wait for you to do something stupid, then think to himself "ah ha!', then it's wedding bells a ringing.

Yianni said...

You would think that with the advent of the internet that such tasks would have been made easier. Alas alack, as with everything else in our hectic and (generally) crazy lives, technology doesn't necessarily make things easier, it just add another level of complexity.

Queen of Sky said...

Hmmm... what kind of TRUE Texan chokes on a quesadilla? I think this would be a definite de-qualifier, Ms. CC!

-Q of S

Candidly Caroline said...

You bring up a VERY good point, Q of S! :)