Thursday, March 08, 2007

Oh, Single Is Me!

Today in the Austin American-Statesman’s XLent section, writer Andrea Lorenz examines “what it's like to be single and successful in Austin,” by interviewing some of the non-married Austin Under 40 Awards finalists, including me. The title is "Single, Successful and Under 40 - Achievers find time to give back."
While she comments on our lack of pretentiousness, she does manage to ensnare me enough to say I wouldn’t date someone who plays video games all the time. "I do want someone who is ambitious, and who is smart, and who I feel is my equal," I said. "Does that limit the dating pool?"
In real life, I go on to answer my own question, but in the story, she answers it for me:
“Um, yes. But I don't want any of my jadedness to rub off on such positive folks, so let's move on. When you're single and so successful that you're among the Top 50 in Austin, you learn that Austin doesn't care if you're single or married — no matter the propaganda newly engaged friends spread.”
And then it goes on …
Originally, we were going to get in to the differences between successful men and successful women in the dating world. The premise was that the more successful a man is, the easier it is for him to date, and the more successful a woman is, the harder it is for her to date. After thinking about it, I agreed. Where women might be attracted to a successful man, I think a lot of men are intimidated by a successful woman. This turned in to quite a discussion, at which point the writer opted to devote an article entirely to the topic at a later date. Now, won’t THAT be interesting?


El Jefe Maximo said...

"Ambitious, smart, your equal. . ." that loud woosh you hear is the dating pool kind of, well, maybe draining a little.

But then you throw in the kicker: no video games ! And in the computer-software capital of Texas. Oy !

Anonymous said...

Yes successful, as well as beautiful women, scare men off. To us, it's like committing to a big house or expensive car. Video games? Not at that level, remember, you have to pick on all the golf time he spends. As for single, hippie millionaire with the pony tail showing off the loft in downtown Austin being "accepted", baloney. The person will die a rich, successful lonely little person. He or she knows it, and we know it.

Candidly Caroline said...

The video game thing was totally her wordage. She was trying to pin me down on who I would or wouldn't date. Finally, she was like, "But, you wouldn't date someone who played video games 20 hours a week, right?" I was like, "No, I guess not."
My point is I don't have a particular problem with video games. When I was in college, I had to learn to put away the Sim City ...

On another note, surely y'all aren't suggesting I SETTLE, are you?

Anonymous said...

You would make a wonderful mother and are a great cook. Don't know why women don't like the sterotypes, even if the skills are true. Say a guy is handy around the house and keeps the car full of gas and he doesn't mind. Drop looking for yuppies at the snobby events and find a nice guy at the church, park or health club. Actually, the best is the frozen food section after work.

Candidly Caroline said...

Anonymous 2:
Thank you, and thank you. I'd like to be both of those things, also. And, I certainly can appreciate a guy who is handy around the house and who can keep the car full of gas.
We'll see - maybe I'll try your frozen food suggestion!? :P

yianni said...

Good grief, a lot of comments here!

Your perceptions on being interviewed must have REALLY been forming during this line of questioning. Now I understand what you meant by wondering if the answers would be taken out of context.

No one is suggesting you settle. If you can do it all, then it's not much more to ask if someone you want to spend you life with is capable of doing the same.

But you're right, there is a double-standard regarding success and gender. Men may not be attracted to a successful woman for all sorts of reasons: Ego and the backwards tradition that men have to "take care fo the little lady".

I'd be curious to read that article when it's written.

queenofsky said...

So I don't understand... were you happy or unhapy with the way she answered that question for you? I really didn't understand the answer in any case.

Candidly Caroline said...

Royal Highness - I answered that yes, what I want in a man probably limits my dating pool, but I followed that with - "but I'm sure when the timing is right the right man will come along."
I'm not at all pessimistic about it, although you know I get a little frustrated with the lack of action on the part of interested parties.
Translation for the rest of you: The vast majority of guys who are interested don't ask me out. Case in point from our discussion? I don't know.

Yianni - While I'm not exactly a "little lady," I honestly wouldn't mind being taken care of a little bit. I'm independent and always will be, but sometimes it's nice not to be in charge of EVERYTHING.

yianni said...

I understand what you mean about not having to be in charge of everything.

I just re-read the comment about Sim City, I too had to struggle with it many times, especially on the weekends when I should've been studying or cleaning up the condo (or anything more productive).... Same reason I won't get a PS3 or Wii

queenofsky said...

Gotcha... I think I would have been upset if she put those kind of words in my mouth. I guess I should read the fill article, though.

Anonymous said...

Okay, you definitely need to consider who you are looking for closely.

From your "10 musts" (you wanted to add intellegent, but had to leave it off? But require a degree... wouldn't you rather meet a really smart entrepreneur who didn't finish school than an idiot with an education? An unintellegent person will never be your equal, but someone who took a different path might be) to what they are doing- single guy, happy, in Austin... don't forget to do your thinking for your novel at great coffee shops, the lake, Central Market cafe, etc... you won't meet him at home!

Of course the pool is more limited- there are very few of us who will take JUST ANYONE.... but it is also limited by the fact that you, as an individual, outside of lists and logic, will connect with certain people- Sure they should have to meet your qualifications, but you don't always have to be looking at their "list"- look for the sparks!!!!!!!!! You deserve someone smart and successful, but you also completely deserve to be swept off your feet.

Anonymous said...

People probably only bug you because if you wait too long, you'll be EXHAUSTED parenting!

Just realize when you say that you expect to accomplish things as individuals before getting married that it is a little inconsequential- you will continue to accomplish things as individuals- you really don't need your life in any certain place to join it together with someone elses.

Candidly Caroline said...

Anonymous: There definitely has to be chemistry! The lists are just the start - I would love to be swept off my feet! :)

Anonymous: As far as accomplishments as individuals, it's not like my personal life and career will stop when I get married, but the reality is I have more time to devote to them now than I will when I have kids running around and a husband who I'll want to give attention. I'm thinking a full time housekeeper/nanny/personal assistant will be in order. ;)